


your past is not who you are

by ghostinthebook



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Supportive Alec Lightwood, im in an Angst Mood, jace talks a bit about his past too, magnus talks about his past, mention of chairman meow near the end, mentions of All The Bad Things in magnus's past, small background clace and sizzy kinda, sorry if this is kinda heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 19:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18146744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostinthebook/pseuds/ghostinthebook
Summary: Magnus talks about his past, specifically his family.





	your past is not who you are

**Author's Note:**

> bit of a trigger warning here, it mentions All The Bad Things surrounding Magnus's early childhood, so if you know what those are and would rather avoid reading it, then here's your warning. sorry about the angst, i guess i'm in a Mood rn. enjoy!

Magnus had been on three dates with Alexander, and those dates were absolutely amazing.

The first one, even though awkward silences still interrupted some moments, they knew for sure that they had a connection. Before that, they both knew there was something there. Something strong enough that they decided to go on a date. But after this date… wow. They just clicked. Magnus still doesn’t know why, but they fit together.

The second and the third built the connection. It had been only three dates, but now Magnus’s calls to Catarina were usually filled with talking about Alexander. Catarina would pretend to complain about it, but even she knew that this one was different. Magnus’s calls, when he was with Camille, were more about Magnus holding on desperately to the few good things he could find about Camille. Trying to tell himself that the good outweighed the bad. Trying to get Catarina to tell him that too, even though she never did. Now, when he talked about Alexander, he was happy. He talked about Alec’s horrible fashion sense and love of coffee with fondness in his voice, and would brainstorm the next date with Catarina.

It was official. Magnus was smitten.

He was also a bit stressed about the next date, though. Alec had always made known to Magnus that his family was extremely important to him. So, on only the fourth date, Magnus was meeting the siblings. The youngest brother, Max, still lived with the parents, so it would only be the other two, Jace and Isabelle. Jace’s girlfriend, Clary, happened to be busy, so she wouldn’t be there. Isabelle was single, though according to Alec, Simon (who was Clary’s best friend) was “staring at her most of the time and obviously trying to work up the courage to ask her out”. Alec exasperatedly added that Izzy seemed interested, too. He pretended to look annoyed at the situation, but Magnus knew his Alexander. Simon was actually a good guy, and if he made his sister happy, Alec would be happy, too. 

Back to the situation at hand. Magnus was going to dinner with Alec, Izzy, and Jace, and he needed to leave for the restaurant in the next five minutes or he would be late.

After doing a last minute touch-up to his makeup, he was ready. He left for the restaurant, reminding himself, while he was on his way, to not be stressed. He was Magnus Bane, he had no reason to be stressed about one little date. He was confident, and of course they would like him. He had nothing to worry about.

Then he would remember Alexander’s face when he talked about his family, the love in his eyes directed to them, and get stressed all over again.

After a few cycles of that, he arrived at the restaurant. Alec had said he would already be there, holding the table for everyone, and he wasn’t lying (Alec also appreciated honesty, which Magnus valued as well, so that was another way they fit). He was sitting at the table, looking at his phone while he waited. Magnus moved closer without Alec noticing, and Magnus could see that Alec was watching archery videos without sound on. Magnus doesn’t know why his Alec loved archery so much, but it was just another thing to love about him. Everyone had their hobbies, and Alec looked really good with his bow and quiver, so Magnus was definitely not complaining.

Caught up in his thoughts about Alec, Magnus failed to notice that Alec had looked up and was now staring right back at him. “Magnus,” he said softly, no doubt admiring his boyfriend, like how his boyfriend was admiring him. He stood up, and gave Magnus a kiss, short but loving. They sat down across from each other, and before they knew it, two more people had arrived.

Isabelle was obviously Alec's sister, her dark hair and eyes almost matching Alexander’s. Her appearance was as gorgeous as Alec, so it looked like good looks ran in the genes. She was shorter than Alec, but wore fairly impressive high heels, and looked quite intimidating while giving Magnus a short, whispered shovel talk. And once the shovel talk was over, with Magnus saying that even after only three dates, he knew he would never want to hurt Alexander, she looked at him with a kind smile. Magnus decided that if this all worked out, he would love to have Isabelle as a friend.

Jace was a bit of a surprise. Alec had never specified whether Jace was adopted or not, so seeing the blond man with heterochromatic eyes walk in was a bit of a shock. Magnus hid his surprise easily, though, so he greeted Jace warmly and began conversing with him. He seemed to have a bit of a jock personality, which Magnus also didn’t expect, but he was nice to Magnus, so there was no problem there. Him and Isabelle had probably decided that she would give the shovel talk, Magnus thought, because Jace didn’t give him one. 

They all sat down, looked at the menus, ordered their food, and started to talk.

The conversation was going really well. Everyone got along, there were jokes, plans made for Magnus and Isabelle to go shopping together, and all in all, it was great.

Somehow, the conversation turned to family. That wasn’t too much of a surprise, though, because the Lightwoods (and the Herondale, Magnus learned) all valued family highly. And it was a serious conversation about family, because they also seemed to tend to not beat around the bush. They got deep. Magnus was starting to like this family more and more.

“So Magnus, as you might have already figured out, from my good looks and the lack of on Alec and Izzy,” Jace started off, with his comment receiving fond eye rolls by both Lightwoods, “I’m adopted. When I was ten, who I thought was my father died, and the Lightwoods took me in. As it turned out, that guy wasn’t my actual father, he had kidnapped me as a baby. He also probably killed my actual biological parents. And he abused me. So the Lightwoods are the first real family I’ve probably ever had, to be honest,” Jace said. He spoke seriously, but as if he was used to talking about this. Given the content of what he said, it was likely he went to therapy and talked it out a lot with the therapist. Magnus decided to not ask for any more details, because that sounded like a harrowing enough childhood. He’s glad Jace found the Lightwoods.

“I also have some relatives that are still alive, so that’s nice. My grandma is still alive, but she lives really far away so I don’t see her a lot. And Kit and Tessa are technically related to me, but it’s very distant.” Magnus didn’t know who Kit and Tessa were (he had a friend named Tessa, but the chance they were talking about the same person was probably slim), but it was cool that Jace had living relatives. Unlike himself.

Magnus cussed silently in his mind. He’d probably have to talk about his family tonight, too. And he wanted to wait a bit longer until Alexander had to see that side of him…

Alec cut off his thoughts by starting to talk about his own family. It was stuff that Magnus had already known, because they had talked about it before, but it was interesting to hear it surrounded by those he loved from his family.

Since there was less drama and scandal in his story (not none, there was still plenty), Alec’s story was over soon.

“What about you, Magnus? I haven’t really asked you much about your family.”

Magnus had a silent debate in his mind. To tell, or not to tell. He didn’t really want Alec to know this story yet, but they both seemed committed to doing this relationship in the long run. So he would have to learn this eventually, but too early and it might scare him off…

He looked into Alexander’s eyes. He saw everything he needed. Love, support, promises yet to be said, and a future that is yet to be had. Those hazel eyes gave him the strength he needed.

“Well, this story is kind of long, so if you’re sure you want to hear it…” Magnus said, not meeting anyone’s eyes. The other three assured him that it was fine, he could share. “But only if you want to,” Alec added. That just made Magnus want to share it more.

Magnus took a deep breath, then started his story.

“I don’t know who my biological father is. I don’t know, because my mother didn’t know.” He paused for a second as he let the implications of that statement settle in. His story was just starting, but already the others looked like they would give him a hug. He wouldn’t let them, not yet. Even though it was pretty easy to forget, they were in a restaurant, and Magnus didn’t want to cry in front of everyone.

“My stepfather was okay, and my mother loved me, and I her, so that was nice. Then, when I was ten, my mother killed herself.” Magnus ignored the gasps he heard around the table. He wasn’t done yet.

“When my stepfather found her body, he was furious with me. Blamed me for her suicide, and then he tried to kill me.” Magnus was starting to tear up, and he could feel Alec’s arms go around him, supporting him silently.

“I… I ended up killing him in self-defense. Even I don’t know how, I’ve blocked most of that out. I was in the system till I aged out.” Magnus hadn’t started full-on crying, but he was sniffling, and Alec was hugging him, whispering to him that he was strong, there was nothing wrong with him. Jace and Izzy looked to Magnus with shock and pity. 

“Let’s talk about something else, end this dinner on a high note, okay?” Magnus asked, looking around. They all agreed, and talked about nothing and everything until the last bit of food was eaten and the bill was paid.

Jace and Isabelle left in their respective cars, and Alec and Magnus walked towards Magnus’s loft together.

“I’m sorry you had to learn about this side of me, of my past,” Magnus said. His face was full of regret, because if telling this story too early pushed his Alexander away, he would never forgive himself.

“What I said in the restaurant is true. There’s nothing wrong with you, and after hearing that, I know for a fact that you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. You are not your past,” Alec said, sincerely and kindly.

“Thank you,” Magnus said, and he said the words with a lot of weight on them, because it wasn’t just a casual thanks, it was a thanks for accepting and supporting him despite what happened in the past.

Now, Magnus was in a good enough mood to even joke about it a little.

“So, even though the jury agreed that it was self-defense, how does it feel dating someone who was on trial for killing a man at ten years old?” Magnus said with the sparkle back in his eyes.

“Same way it felt to be dating someone with a cat named Chairman Meow,” Alec responded.

A huge weight had been taken off of Magnus’s shoulders. Most of his friends knew about his past, but many of his exes didn’t. Sometimes it contributed to them becoming his exes. Camille would hold his past over his head and torture him with it. But this man, his Alexander, loved him anyway. Accepted him. Called him strong.

When they got to the loft, Magnus pulled Alec in for a kiss, a kiss to say thank you, I love you, you’re the one for me. 

And judging by the way Alec was kissing him back, he was saying the same things.


End file.
